From Head to Heart

Every time I go to mass I am so inspired by the people receiving the Eucharist.  I am so inspired also when there is a person who walks up the aisle, unable to receive, but goes up anyway just for the blessing from the priest or eucharistic minister.  I always pray for the parishioners that their hearts may be moved by the Spirit and that they may feel that desire to form a relationship with our Lord.  

I seem to forget to include myself in that picture.  As much as I think I have a personal relationship with the Lord, it seems I just have a hard time feeling it.  I desire it, I seek it, I long for that closeness.  I am waiting for that 'aha' moment where I feel the Lord's presence.  When speaking with my evangelical friends, they rave so much about this personal relationship with Jesus.  Jesus is their friend.  

Jesus is my friend too.  I just haven't yet connected in my heart, the truth that I know in that we have such a personal encounter with Christ in the Eucharist that I should never doubt my closeness.  

So as I observed this again tonight at the mass for Ash Wednesday I decided to add myself to the prayers for the people and the desire to seek full relationship with the Lord.  I figured out recently that it is not enough for me to just pray for more convicted Catholics but I have to be included in the prayer too.  

We are the light in darkness.  We need to let that light shine.  It will not happen by knowing more than anyone else in matters of theology or the ability to win an argument.  It comes from letting down the walls of your heart.  Walls are built out of insecurities and those walls prevent us from becoming full of Christ and his love for us.  God doesn't want us to hide from our fears but rather confront them.  

Ask the questions.  Share your doubts and fears with Him.  He knows that we are brave and courageous if we cling to him for strength.  We need bravery and courage to be the light in this world.  As we begin another lenten season, I'm praying for the light in me to shine and that I will let it.  I'm praying for the courage and bravery to be the best me I can be in following the will that God has for me.  I'm praying that the inspiration I receive at mass will bring me to a place of action in that my convictions will get out of my head and into my heart and be light to those around me.

On My Fridge

Oh how we can complicate things in life.  There is such simplicity if we just allow it.  How often I contemplate a topic or idea and I just make it so impossible to undertake because I simply over think, over analyze, over plan and by that point I forgot about the simple truth that got the whole ball rolling.  In which case results in a failure to start.

I've learned that it is best to just put one foot in front of the other.  That in itself is a success.  'Just keep going' has been my mantra for quite some time now.  Especially after 12 years in the restaurant business.   Small victories keep us going and help us stay focused.  For someone like me who sees the big picture and wants it all now, this is very difficult, but necessary for any kind of fulfillment.  It takes daily reminding and this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson puts life in perspective for me.  I keep it on my fridge so I don't miss it.

To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded! -Emerson

We all seek greatness.  Some seek it on big ways, others in the little ways.  Either way success can be attained.  On Emerson, to win "the affection of children".  Isn't that the truth.  Children are smart and if you have a child who wants to give you a hug or snuggle with you, that's a true blessing.  So often we get busy and these endearments are brushed aside or just taken on-the-run.  With each child, I'm learning to slow down a little and really enjoy the snuggle time when it's available because it ends quick.

I love critics!  I often encounter critics in the arena of faith and family.  I may not feel the love in the heat of a debate but in the end I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow in conviction and also for the opportunity to learn.  The critics I've been graced with seem to be pretty honest and I don't think they hate me.  Appreciate, now that's questionable.

I have three healthy children and a garden patch.  One question.  Do I have to accomplish all of the the things on the list before I'm a success or is it an any/all type of deal?  There I go complicating things again.

Workers in the Vineyard

This morning I was brought to tears while reading about the life of Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton.  At an early age of nine, I was inspired by her  profound faith and willingness to live out God's will for her.  In doing so, she was taken on quite of journey of servitude.  She lived to teach others the faith and love of Christ.  She brought people to the faith through Catholic education and eventually started a religious community of teaching sisters.  She managed to accomplish all this while being a widowed mother of five!  This moment of quiet reading provided great affirmation of my vocation of wife, mother, and lay ministry.      

I think about the call to marriage and motherhood.  As I journey through my fourth pregnancy I often get caught up in the idea that I won't be able to do anything that makes a difference for a while, especially in the area of career success.  Often I overlook the meaningful and important duties of being a wife and mother.  Our duties as a homemaker are more important than we know.  Every time we tie a shoe, wash dishes, fold clothes, wipe a face, feed our family, we are caring for one of God's children.  What a high honor.  We are doing the Lord's work even when we feel like our brains are dead and boring.  At this point in my life I am learning to see this more and more.  It's sometimes hard to grasp the beauty of motherhood when there's barely time to comb my hair, at least not until everyone is in bed and by that point it seems more appealing to collapse and forget it until morning.  Who's going to see me anyway?  

Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton was a woman who was on fire for her faith.  She wanted people to receive the sanctifying grace of the Lord and to learn the way to eternal salvation.  I am an eternal learner and hope only to share the truth that I attain through my search for answers in a way that encourages thought on God and his plan for us.  I pray that others will seek truth in all things and desire truth in their faith, uncomfortable or not.  Faith isn't meant to be easy.  

This holy woman struggled through great loss of her husband at the early age of 30 and was widowed with five children to care for.  I am willing to bet that this was not the vision she had for her life but she let God take the reigns and she went along to see the greatness that would come out of this less than desirable place she now resided.  She was not an ordained religious but she had great hope for the lay faithful.  As Christians we have such an important role in the nurturing of souls for Christ's Kingdom.  What we do in our daily life for others is God's work in us.  

We need not be teachers in the professional sense but we can be teachers by our lives.  I am a firm believer of leading by example.  Our lives, lived well can be the greatest inspiration for another and we need not do more than simply live the laws of love.  We can all be saints.  The Gospel of love is meant to be shared and lived.  We are His disciples in the holy priesthood.  Be it the mother working in the rearing of her children, listening to a friend in need, feeding the poor, or attending Sunday service.  No role is insignificant if done with great love.

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton http://www.ucatholic.com/saints/saint-elizabeth-ann-seton/

Hello my lovelies!  I am not feeling lovely right now.  How is it that we try so hard to be different than our parents and no matter what we do we still wind up doing things we hated?  It's even worse when you then see that same attitude or action showing in your own kids.  Talk about the circle of life.  We can learn so much about ourselves from our children!  It's sad when you realize you're mad at your child for behaving in a way that you behave yourself.  Ugh, frustrating!  Well, it happens to the best of us parents.  The only thing I think that's good in the whole situation is that hopefully it's an eye opener for us to work on some of our character flaws.  Yes, I have character flaws.  More than I'd like to admit.  It's really hard to find them sometimes when I'm trying to be the perfect parent and all.  Then I get smacked in the face and I realize, wow, am I blind.  

I just found out that my son wants to be a professional hockey player but hasn't grasped that we're not born that way and that you have to put in a lot of work to become a pro.  Huh, funny.  I am that same way.  Ideas don't make success.  I found that out the hard way over a very long period of time and I still struggle with it.  When you work in your head it is hard to put the ideas in action.  I see the whole project from planning to execution and it all works in my head but the problem is actually doing it in real time.  Being a dreamer is fabulous because there is a new idea every day that is filled with hope and promise but then reality kicks in and, boom, flatlined.  

Being a mother of three, soon to be four children makes it difficult for the simple fact that energy is an element that is often lacking.  That's my one excuse.  I could find many others but they don't really hold water.  This one has some validity.  Most mothers would agree with me.  Except those type A moms who just seem to have it all together.  Coffee isn't cutting it and I don't do drugs or energy pills so I'm at a loss.  Not a lot of time to exercise and I'm out of shape in the way that working out still feels like work.  I'll get to the gym again but not anytime soon.  

Having children is such an enlightening part of life.  Never did I believe I could I feel so much love and pain, success and failure, gain and loss all lumped together in one experience.  It's making me a better person every day.  Thank you God!  I've been given four little ones who constantly keep me in check and remind me that no, in fact, I am not perfect.  No, I do not know everything.  However, it is very beneficial to pretend now and then.  To stop improving and learning is to die.  These little people force me to live.