Every time I go to mass I am so inspired by the people receiving the Eucharist. I am so inspired also when there is a person who walks up the aisle, unable to receive, but goes up anyway just for the blessing from the priest or eucharistic minister. I always pray for the parishioners that their hearts may be moved by the Spirit and that they may feel that desire to form a relationship with our Lord.
I seem to forget to include myself in that picture. As much as I think I have a personal relationship with the Lord, it seems I just have a hard time feeling it. I desire it, I seek it, I long for that closeness. I am waiting for that 'aha' moment where I feel the Lord's presence. When speaking with my evangelical friends, they rave so much about this personal relationship with Jesus. Jesus is their friend.
Jesus is my friend too. I just haven't yet connected in my heart, the truth that I know in that we have such a personal encounter with Christ in the Eucharist that I should never doubt my closeness.
So as I observed this again tonight at the mass for Ash Wednesday I decided to add myself to the prayers for the people and the desire to seek full relationship with the Lord. I figured out recently that it is not enough for me to just pray for more convicted Catholics but I have to be included in the prayer too.
We are the light in darkness. We need to let that light shine. It will not happen by knowing more than anyone else in matters of theology or the ability to win an argument. It comes from letting down the walls of your heart. Walls are built out of insecurities and those walls prevent us from becoming full of Christ and his love for us. God doesn't want us to hide from our fears but rather confront them.
Ask the questions. Share your doubts and fears with Him. He knows that we are brave and courageous if we cling to him for strength. We need bravery and courage to be the light in this world. As we begin another lenten season, I'm praying for the light in me to shine and that I will let it. I'm praying for the courage and bravery to be the best me I can be in following the will that God has for me. I'm praying that the inspiration I receive at mass will bring me to a place of action in that my convictions will get out of my head and into my heart and be light to those around me.
